Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, AND WAFFLES!
by Invader Xenial
Summary: Zim and Zee attend Hogwarts in the same year as Harry! WHAT WILL HAPPEN? I dunno... Has absolutely nothing to do with any of my other stories. But still fun! Harry Potter/Invader Zim Crossover
1. Chapter 1

**Hey fellow fangurlz/fanboyz. Since I love Harry Potter, and Invader Zim, I decided to combine them both, in a (hopefully) awesome story!**

**Now, I'm guessing you already read the series at least once, so I don't need to start with Harry being dropped off at the Dursley's as a baby. I'll start at the train station, and see how it goes from there. Enjoy!**

_Harry's POV_

Harry was beginning to worry. No one at the station knew of Platform Nine and Three Quarters, and the train was about to leave. Then he saw two kids, pushing trolleys.

"I HATE this place!" One grumbled. Harry thought it was a trick of the light. _His skin couldn't be GREEN…_

"Shut up!" The other whispered. She was a short girl, wearing a pink shirt and pants. She and the green kid were looking around, apparently for the Platform. The green kid saw Harry staring, and glared at him. He whispered to the girl, and she beamed at Harry.

"Hi." She said, walking over to him. "Are you going to Hogwarts too?"

"Uh, yeah." Harry said, still staring at the green kid, who stuck his tongue out at him. "But I don't know how to get on the train."

"We don't either." The girl said, frowning. She turned to the divide between Platform Nine and Ten, puzzling over it. Then she grinned, and grabbed the green kid's hand, grabbed their trolley, and ran at the divide. Harry was shocked, and tried to stop them. They were going to crash! He blinked, and they were gone. Harry stared at the wall, not believing what he saw. They just… vanished…

Then the girl's head popped out of the wall, grinning at Harry. He jumped back, and tripped over his feet. She giggled.

"It's like a hologram." She said, extending her hand. Harry just stared at it. _She only had three fingers._

She saw him looking, and blushed, retreating her hand. "Just walk through it. You'll be fine."

And with that, she disappeared. Harry picked himself up, and grabbed his trolley. He looked at the wall. It looked solid to him. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. He ran through the barrier, and crashed into something. He opened his eyes to see the green kid stuck under his trolley

"Oh no!" He cried, and pulled it off. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry!"

The green kid glared at him, and stood up. He grabbed his trolley and limped off, favouring his right leg. Harry stood up, his face hot. People stared at him as they passed, and Hedwig looked thoroughly ruffled. Harry pressed on through the crowd until he found an empty compartment near the end of the train. He put Hedwig inside first and then started to shove and heave his trunk towards the train door. He tried to lift it up the steps but could hardly raise one end and twice he dropped it painfully on his foot.

"Need a hand?" A red haired kid asked, grinning at Harry.

"Yes please." Harry panted.

"Oy, Fred!" The kid called. "Come here and help!"

A kid, identical to the first, helped Harry tuck the trunk away safely into the compartment.

"Thanks." said Harry, pushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes.

"What's that?" one of the twins asked, pointing at Harry's lightning scar.

""Blimey." The other said. "Are you-?"

"He _is,_" said the first twin. "Aren't you?"

"What?" Harry asked.

"_Harry Potter."_ they chorused.

"Oh, him." said Harry. "I mean, yes, I am."

The twins just gaped at Harry, and he felt himself go red. Luckily, a voice called from outside the train.

"Fred? George? Are you there?"

"Coming Mum."

The twins gave a last glance at Harry, and then hopped off the train.

Harry saw them run back to a plump, red-haired woman, along with a little, red-haired girl, a younger boy, about Harry's age, who was trying to dodge his mother as she tried to wipe some dirt off his nose. Harry turned back to the compartment, and saw the two kids from the station walk past.

"I will NOT sit with these filthy-" The green kid was saying, and then he saw Harry.

"Uh, Mudbloods." He finished, looking flustered. Harry got the feeling that wasn't what he was going to say.

"Can we sit here?" The girl asked, smiling at Harry.

"Sure."

The girl put their trunks away, and the green kid sank into the opposite seat to Harry. The girl sat down next to him.

"My name is Zee." She said, holding out her hand. Harry shook it, trying not to look at her fingers, as he knew she was sensitive about it. He made a note not to ask about it.

"And this is Zim, my-" She began, but the kid cut across her.

"Brother." He said, glaring at Zee. "We are siblings, yes?"

"Yeah. Siblings." She finished, blushing. "What's your name?"

"Harry Potter." He said, going red. He was going to be gawked at, as the red-haired twins did.

But Zee and Zim didn't react. Zim looked bored.

Feeling confident, Harry grinned. "Can you do magic?"

Zim snorted. Zee giggled. "Nah, we didn't even know until we got the owl. Exciting isn't it?"

Harry relaxed. Maybe he wasn't the only one that didn't know about magic.

He heard a knock on the compartment door, and the youngest redhead boy stood there, looking embarrassed.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" He muttered, tweaking his nose. "Everywhere else is full."

"Not at all." Zee grinned, and the boy relaxed. Harry had felt it to, Zee made a person feel like she was her best friend. Zim only made you feel like you were less than nothing. The boy put his trunk away and sat next to Harry.

"I'm Zee, and this is Zim." Zee said.

The boy stared at Zim. "Why are you green?"

Zim blushed, his face turning a dark green. "INSOLENT FOOL BOY!" He cried.

"It's a skin condition." Zee explained. "No doctor can do anything. He was born like that."  
The boy looked embarrassed at Zim's outburst.

"My name's Ron. Ron Weasley." He said.

"Nice to meet you." Zee said. "And that's Harry Potter." she said, pointing at Harry.

Ron gasped. "THE Harry Potter?"

"Yes, Ron Weasley." Zim said. "Another hyuman. How exciting."

"Do you know what he's done? Do you know who he is?" Ron asked, looking at the siblings in disbelief.

"He's Harry Potter." Zee said, looking confused.

"Muggleborns." Ron muttered.

The next hours on the train were the best Harry had ever had. He laughed with Ron and Zee, bought all of the treats on the trolley, told Ron stories of Muggles, and Ron told them about the wizard world. After a few chocolate frogs, a frizzy haired girl came in, along with a round, shy boy.

"Has anybody seen a toad? Neville's lost one." She said.

"I'm sorry Neville." Zee said, smiling sympathetically. "We haven't."

Neville nodded, sniffed, and walked out. The girl followed, her head held high.

The minute she disappeared, a boy with a pointed face stalked in, along with two giant boulders with arms and legs.

"Hi!" Zee said, unaware of the tension that entered the room. "What's your name?"

The boy ignored her, and turned to Harry. "Is it true? Everyone's saying that Harry Potter's in this compartment."

"Yes." Harry said coolly.

"I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy." he said, eyeing the compartment, stopping at Zim. "What's wrong with you?"

Zim stiffened, and Zee grabbed his hand. "It's a skin condition." He growled.

"Looks pathetic." Malfoy said, crossing his arms.

Zim started to rise, but Zee yanked him down, whispering furiously. He shook his head, and pulled out his wand. Malfoy and his cronies took a step back.

"Little freak knows magic, does he?" Malfoy said, but the colour was leaving his pale cheeks.

Zim raised his wand. "_Stupe-"_

"STOP!" The puffy-haired girl raced down the hallway. "You can't perform magic here! It's against the rules!"

Zim glared at her, and pointed his wand at her. "_Petrificus-"_

"Zim." Zee said. Zim stopped, and turned to her. She walked up to him, whispering rapidly. Harry caught a few words, and thought she was speaking another language. It certainly sounded like that, because heard her say words like _duko_, _fehable,_ and _hwi._

Zim put away his wand glaring at the boy. "This isn't over, Pig-Smelly."

Malfoy glared at him, and walked away, his cronies following. The frizzy-haired girl looked shocked, and kept staring at Zim. She walked away, looking shaken.

Harry looked away from the siblings, because Zee was glaring at Zim, and he looked bored.

He and Ron got up to change into their robes. When they got back, they seem to have made up, and Zim was looking slightly embarrassed.

"How are we sorted into our Houses?" Zee asked.

"I don't know." said Ron. "My brother's were going on about wrestling a troll, but I'm pretty sure he was kidding."

Harry felt nervous at that, and so did the siblings.

"I almost forgot to ask," said Ron. "Are you two twins? You must be, if this if your first year."

They shared a look. "Yes." They chorused.

The train slowed down, then stopped. Harry and the others left their trunks in the compartment, as they would be brought up when they were sorted.

"Firs' years!" A voice boomed near the dark lake. "Firs' years follow me!"

Harry happily followed the voice, he recognised Hagrid's voice, but Ron and the twins hung back, looking nervous. They arrived at the edge of the lake, and Zee gasped. There were many boats on the shore, leading to the brightly lit castle.

"No more'n four in a boat!" Hagrid called, climbing into one himself. Harry and Ron climbed in, and waited for the twins.

"Where'd they go?" Ron asked.

Indeed, the twins weren't in a single boat, nor were they on the shore.

Before Harry could climb out and look for them, the boats lurched off the shore, gliding across the lake.

Ron and Harry kept looking for the twins, but couldn't find them. They reached the other end of the lake, where Hagrid leapt out of the boat to walk over to the giant oak door that was the entrance to the castle. Harry and Ron followed. Harry felt a tap on his shoulder, and spun around, to see Zee and Zim standing, perfectly unharmed, behind him.

"How…where…what?"

"We took a different path." Zim said, smirking. "The almighty ZIM requires no boat."

Harry looked to Zee for an explanation, but she shrugged, and followed the other first years. Zim, still grinning, followed her.

"How did they…?" said Ron.

"I don't know." Harry said.

They entered a giant hall, crowded with golden plates and goblets. There were four long tables, all seating dozens and dozens of students, all staring at the first years excitedly. Zim looked confident, and Zee waved and smiled at the friendly tables, many of whom returned her smile.

Harry just kept his head down, as the other first years were doing, trying not to be noticed. At the end of the hall sat an old and used hat on top of a four-legged stool.

A strict looking witch in a tight bun held a piece of parchment beside the hat.

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted." she said. "Abbott, Hannah!"

A pink-faced girl with blonde pigtails stumbled out of the line, put on the hat, which fell right down over her eyes, and sat down. A moment's pause-

"HUFFLEPUFF!" The hat cried, apparently startling Zim, making him jump. The table on the right cheered and clapped as Hannah sat down at their table, and Zim brushed the front of his shirt, looking embarrassed.

Harry grinned at him, and turned back to the Hat, where Bone, Susan became a Hufflepuff.

"What are the Houses again?" Zee whispered to Ron.

"There's Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Slytherin and Hufflepuff." He whispered back.

"Gryffindor's the best, because it's for the brave, and Ravenclaw is for the smart. Then there's Slytherin. There isn't a bad wizard who wasn't in Slytherin, so you might want to stay away from them. Hufflepuff is for the idiots, or _loyal_, I should say. I doubt any good wizards come from Hufflepuff, but then again, what do I know?"

Zee smiled, and then turned to Zim, and spoke in a low voice. "_Gryffindor, the brave. Hufflepuff, the loyal. Ravenclaw, the wise. Slytherin, the cunning."_

Harry almost didn't notice this exchange, and neither did Ron, because the frizzy-haired girl (Granger, Hermione) was called up, and put in Gryffindor, to which Ron groaned.

Awhile later, Malfoy was called up, and put in Slytherin, to which he smirked, as if pleased with himself.

Harry and Ron were both Sorted into Gryffindor, to their relief. The only two left now were the twins.

"Zee…" The strict witch, whom Harry learned was Professor McGonagall, hesitated. Regaining her composure, she straightened the parchment.

"Zee!"

Harry was confused.

"Why doesn't she have a last name?" Ron whispered, as she skipped over to the Hat and sat down.

Harry remembered the train, and their conversations. The twins never gave any information on their parents, and skipped over the subject quickly.

"I think they're orphans." said Harry, and Ron looked at Zee with a new sympathy.

"Poor kids…"

Harry looked back to Zee, who was sitting quite still. The Hat remained motionless for a long time, maybe five minutes. Finally, the Hat screamed-

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Harry and Ron stood up, clapping as hard as they could, and Zee took the hat off the top of her head and handed it to McGonagall. She ran over to Gryffindor table, wrapping Ron and Harry into a hug.

"I'm so happy! I thought I would get Hufflepuff!" She beamed, and sat down next to them.

"We're happy you're here too." Harry said, and Ron grinned.

Zim, like Zee, had no last name, and hopped up on the seat excitedly. The Hat stood still again, this time it seemed longer than Zee's. Zee had her fingers crossed in her lap, and glanced nervously at Harry.

"SLYTHERIN!" The Hat cried, and Zim glanced sadly at Zee as he walked over to the Slytherin table, purposefully sitting next to Malfoy, who didn't look happy to be so close to him.

Zee seemed distracted during the Headmaster's (Dumbledore's) speech, and throughout the feast. In fact, she didn't eat anything.

"You sure you don't want a bite?" Ron said thickly, his mouth filled with pastries. She shook her head, and stared at her plate wistfully.

Harry and Ron followed the first years to their common room, and then their dormitories. At the staircase to the boy's, Zee bid them goodnight.

Harry felt bad she was separated from her brother, but didn't feel sympathetic for long, as he lay down in his four-poster bed. Tomorrow, he began his magical education.

_Zee's POV_

Zee lay in her _bed_, wondering about Zim. She didn't quite need the bed, as Irkens didn't sleep. However, to appear hyuman, she must act the part. Zim and she were supposed to stay together in the school. That was the only agreement they made when they received the owl. She didn't even know if she would see him in her classes. She sighed. _At least the hyumans trust me. Ronweasley and Harrypotter could be useful. Now, what to do all night?_

_Zim's POV_

_I hate the Dracomalfoy hyuman. And why the long name? On Irk, your name has a limited amount of syllables. Maybe I can shorten it. _He sighed. _I hope Zee's okay. I wonder if we get classes together._


	2. Chapter 2

Harry's POV

Zee sulked for many days, convinced that she wouldn't be able to see her brother for a long time. This was proved wrong, as Harry, Ron and Zee had Potions with the Slytherins. Zee became overjoyed when entering the dungeon, and skipped over to the Slytherin tables. The other Slytherins looked disgusted by her, but Zim hugged his sister, and with a glare at his other classmates, invited her to sit down. Zee glanced over to Ron and Harry, who nodded, and then happily sat down next to Zim.

Professor Snape, a greasy haired man with a hooked nose and shallow skin, didn't notice this, and taught the class without a disruption.  
"In my class you will learn to bottle fame, brew glory, and stopper death." He was saying, surveying the class menacingly. His eyes stopped on Zee, who was yawning. He marched over to her and slammed his hands on her table, earning gasps from the class, and snickers from the Slytherins.  
"Was what I said not interesting enough for you Miss...?" He growled.

Zee, to her credit, was standing her ground. "Zee."

"Your full name please." He sneered.

Here Zee blushed, and looked down.  
"What is your full name?" Snape asked, emphasizing every word slowly and clearly.

"Just Zee sir. I don't have a last name." She said, still looking down.  
The Slytherins snickered, and Snape drew back, smirking. As he turned to leave, Zim stood up.  
"You shall not talk to my Zee that way. She is only tired." He growled. As Harry looked closer, Zee did have dark rings under her eyes. He wondered why, as the dorm beds were quite comfortable.

"Nevertheless, she has disrupted my class." Snape said over his shoulder.

Zim, fuming, sat down.  
Snape continued to teach the class, criticizing every student, and making everyone miserable. The twins were the first ones to finish, but Snape took no notice, and praised Malfoy instead, who smirked at Zim.

"It's no wonder, Slytherins are naturally good at Potions." Snape said, smirking at the other students potions.

"Zim has made the potion perfectly." Zim said, glaring at the teacher.  
"And so has Zee."

"A point from Slytherin each." Snape growled.

"Professor, she's a Gryffindor." Said Malfoy, sneering at her.

"Then what is she doing way over here?" Snape said softly swooping down on her.

"I wish to be with Zim." She said confidently.

"Really. Tell me then Zee, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

Immediately, Hermione Granger's hand shot straight in the air, but Zee beat her.

" A sleeping Potion, known as the Draught of Living Death." Zee said, glaring at the Professor.

Snape looked shocked, then angry. "Where would you look if I told you to find a bezoar?"

"The stomach of a goat." Zee snapped.

The class was now completely silent, even Hermione had dropped her hand. Zee was glaring at the Professor with an incredible fury, matched only by his own anger. He couldn't take marks off her, and she couldn't insult him without being punished.

"What is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?" He said softly.

Zee stood up and leaned into the Professor. "Nothing." She hissed.

Snape glared at her, and stood up, his hands clasped behind his back.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for sitting in the wrong place." Snape said, turning his back on her.

After class, Harry and Ron rushed over to Zee.

"How did you know that stuff?" Ron asked in awe as she put away her things.

"I memorized my textbook." She said calmly, placing her last book in her bag. She tapped her right temple.

"I have photographic memory."

Ron's mouth hung wide open.

Zee grinned and slung her bag over her shoulder. "Did you see his face? The guy looked like he was going to explode!"

The next few days were the best Harry ever had. Zee was in nearly every one of his classes, and she allowed him to copy her homework when she was done, as she always went to visit Zim. Ron and Harry never accompanied her, because of their hatred of the Slytherins. Zee always insisted she go, however, and if Harry and Ron hadn't finished their homework by the time she got back, she would always do it for them. The best part was, she could copy their handwriting perfectly, and the teachers never noticed the difference.

"That's amazing." Ron would say after she handed them back their homework. "Amazing."

Word got out quickly, and soon all the Gryffindors wanted help with their schoolwork. Zee would often decline, saying she needed to visit Zim, or check with a teacher about homework. She would however, accidentally leave notes lying around, and Fred and George, the Weasley twins, would sell them when she wasn't around.

The only one to compete with her in class was Hermione, who seemed to take it as a personal challenge to beat her in class. Her efforts were futile, as the teachers grew very attached to Zee, and often forgot to glance Hermione's way. This grew increasingly amusing to Ron.

"Did you see her in Charms yesterday?" He asked as he and Harry made their way down to dinner. "You could have fried an egg on her face!"

A few weeks later, Zee had become something of a celebrity for the Gryffindors. She didn't even seem to notice it, and just rolled her eyes when they begged her to do their homework. She finally convinced Harry and Ron to see Zim, and soon found out that Zim had the same memory as his sister. Unlike Zee, he was hated by his classmates, and hadn't made any friends. He didn't seem to want any.

While most of the first-years, Harry included, were excited for their first flying lesson, the only thing the twins were excited about was the chance to be in another class together. When the lesson came around however, they were the worst fliers in the class, even worse than Neville, who had crashed his broom seconds after getting on. The twins never had to go to the hospital wing, as they never left the ground. They stood there, shouting up, but the brooms stayed motionless on the ground. The Slytherins jeered at them from the air, and Zim looked outraged.

"Broom SHROOM!" He shouted. "Obviously mine is WORTHLESS!"

No matter what broom they tried, the twins never left the ground.

After class, Ron teased Zee about it.

"Oh cheer up." Harry said as they climbed back into the common room. "There had to be SOMETHING you were bad at."

The next few weeks were the best of Harry's life. He was extraordinary on a broom, and was soon accepted on the Quidditch team, making him the youngest Seeker in a century. Zee usually did his homework, leaving him free to do what he wished. Zee often disappeared to find Zim, but when she was around she was most enjoyable. The odd thing was, her accent was British, yet Zim had, it seemed, no accent. It wasn't even American. And they acted like tourists,though they said they grew up in London.

The twins were certainly oddballs, but Harry didn't even care. That is, until Halloween.

Zim's POV

These humans are worthless. Zim thought as he trudged back up to the common room. Their homework no challenge at all, Skool was more educating than this. He reached the door and shouted, "Power!"

The door swung open, revealing the Dracomalfoy hyuman and his friends, Crabbe and Goyle.

He sneered as Zim stomped past. "Where are you going ugly?" He stood up and marched in front of Zim, smirking.

"Get out of the way, Stink-Meat." Zim said gruffly.

"Or what? Gonna nerd me to death?" He sneered.

"No, I shall introduce you to an agony unknown to all of mankind." Zim growled.

"Oooooh, watch out! Pukey is a tough guy!"

Zim reached for his PAK, snarling at the hyuman. He froze remembering Zee.

_"If we go to Hogwarts, I want you to step up your game." She had said as she patted GiGi on the head._

_"What game?" Zim said, brushing off MiRR, who had been sitting on his head._

_"Pretending to be human. These humans will be smarter, they might see through you." Zee said, snapping her trunk closed with a snap._

_"What is wrong with the way Zim has been acting? I AM ZIM!" He cried._

_"I know love-pig." Zee sighed. "Just step it up a little. Don't show off your PAK. Call people insults other than humans. I don't want you to get caught."_

_"For you." Zim said, kissing her neck._

_"Thank you Zimmy." She said softly._

_"HEY ZEE! WE FOUND A PIGGY!" MiRR cried._

_"Coming." Zee sighed_.

Zim lowered his hand from his PAK and pulled out his wand instead. Now the hyuman was scared. He backed away from Zim, his face white.

"Leave me alone, Stink-Child." Zim snarled, and stomped out of the common room. He marched upstairs, ignoring the Halloween feast in the Great Hall. Zim shuddered. HOW the humans ate that filth remained a mystery. He stomped his way to the Gryffindor Common room.

"Password?" The Fat Lady asked.

"SILENCE!" Zim shrieked at her.

"Zimmy!" Zee cried, bursting out of the room. She leaped at him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Love-pig." She whispered softly.

Zim held her close, and then snapped apart when he saw her. Hermione, the fluffy-haired hyuman bolted past them, sobbing.

"Oh, she's upset!" Zee cried, biting her lower lip.

"Who cares? Hyuman emotions are pointless." Zim said indifferently.

"Zim." Zee said, rolling her hologram eyes.

"What?" He said.

Harry's POV

Ron, Harry and Hermione walked down the stairs, chatting excitedly about the troll. Hermione was still shaken, but laughed lightly as Ron teased her about her fright. Harry, having had enough excitement in one day, bid them goodnight and continued to to Common Room. He passed and empty classroom, and froze. It had voices coming from it. He hid behind the door frame, knowing he had just escaped detention and was out of bed at night. The voices didn't sound like teachers though, in fact, they sounded young.

"I hate this place. It's crawling with the dirt-children." The first voice said.  
Harry realized with a jolt that it was Zim.

"We're learning though." The second voice said. It sounded like Zee, but without her accent. "Just yesterday I learned a useful way to poison the Dib."

"It is taking too long!" Zim cried. "We are not learning to kill!"

"Zimmy, we don't want to kill!" Zee cried indignantly. "Remember?"

"Yes... but this is still beginners stuff! I want to learn useful things, like changing Dib into a toad!"

"It will pay off in time. Patience is key my love." Zee said softly.

My love? Harry peeked his head around the corner. It couldn't be the twins. The way these two spoke together, you'd think they were fond of one another.

Harry's breath caught in his chest. He wasn't looking at the twins, he was staring at two bug-eyed, green skinned aliens. One had blue eyes and curly, black antennae, while the other had red eyes and straight antennae.

"It will pay off when we can show the Tallest." The red eyed one said, smirking nastily. "Then they will have no choice but to bring the armada."


	3. Chapter 3

Zee's POV

Zee rolled her pupil-less eyes and stepped closer to Zim.

"Not everything is about Invading you know." She said.

"YOU'RE LYING!" Zim screeched.

He grinned though, and pressed his forehead to Zee's. "We still destroy the Dib, right?" He asked.

Zee's curly antennae uncurled and twisted around Zim's straight ones.

"Yes, my horrible death-machine. We will both destroy the Dib."

The Irkens stood there for a long time, eyes closed, hands clasped together, completely, to use the human term, in love.

A loud noise snapped the Irkens into focus, their antennae snapping back into place. They trained their eyes on the doorway and saw the end of a robe disappear from the frame.

"Oh kronia..." Zee said, pressing her necklace and turning back into a human. Zim placed his wig back on his head and popped in his contacts.

Zee snapped off her PAK, ignoring the life-clock warning. She pressed the top button and it slid away, revealing two sleeping SIR units.

"GiGi, MiRR, report for duty." She ordered.

The twins woke up, their eyes red, and they flew out of the PAK, landing in front of Zee in a salute.

"A hyuman has seen us out of our disguises." Zee said seriously. "Catch him and bring him to us. You'll both get cupcakes if you do."

The twins nodded and flew out of the room, giggling madly.

Peeves the poltergeist swooped into the room, cackling madly, and froze at the sight of Zim and Zee. He took a deep breath, preparing to call a teacher.

"_Silencio_!" Zee hissed, pulling out her wand. Peeves began mouthing very widely, and froze, his eyes wide with disbelief.

"Where did you learn that?" Zim asked, his eyes wide.

"I told you to be nicer to the hyumans." Zee said as she rushed past Peeves. "Everyone loves little orphan girl Zee."

Harry's POV

Harry bolted down the hall, his heart pounding wildly. The aliens, or whatever they were, were going to bring an armada to Earth, for some kind of invasion. He bolted down the hall, trying to reach the Common Room. He heard hysterical giggling bouncing down the hall.

"When we get the hyooman, we get cupcakes!" A voice cried excitedly.

"Oh, the mistress will be so happy!" Another called, and Harry froze. The second voice was in front of him. He tried to turn down another hall but felt himself trip over something small. His head smashed on the ground hard, making him see dots. A pair of cyan blue eyes floated in and out of his vision.

"CUPCAKES!" They shrieked.

"What is going on here?" Harry heard, but he was too dizzy to see where it was coming from. He saw a flash of red light, and gentle arms carry him away. The last thing he saw were half-moon spectacles eyeing him critically.

Harry woke in the hospital wing with a shock. He remembered the aliens, and tried to sit up.

"Lie down please Harry." A voice said.

Harry turned his head with a wince and saw Professor Dumbledore sitting in a chair beside Harry's bed.

"Professor... sir the aliens..." Harry began.

"Aliens?" Is that what those were?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he surveyed Harry. The Professor leaned down and pulled out a small body, smaller than a child. It had an antennae on the top of its head and a very large fist.

"I found this where you lay." Dumbledore said, placing it on the bed. "There was another, but it vanished by the time I got to you."

"Those things... were chasing me sir." Harry said. "They said something about cupcakes... and their mistress."

"Indeed?" Dumbledore inquired.

"I had gotten up to look for Zee sir."Harry began. "She wasn't in the dormitory. So I left the Common Room and walked down the hall. And I saw two aliens..." Harry winced and placed his hand to his head. "The we're saying it was taking too long. They were planning to kill someone it sounded like. Someone named Dib. And they were talking about an armada."

Harry expected Dumbledore to day that he hit his head very hard, and was imagining things. So he was surprised to hear the Headmaster say, "an armada? Hmmm... I had received reports of a disturbance in London a few weeks ago."

Dumbledore picked up the small metal body and stood up. "Keep an eye out for more disturbances. I'll leave you to your recovery."

Harry sank back on the bed, thinking hard. He thought he heard the aliens say Zim... his head began to throb painfully, and Harry ignored those thoughts.

A few hours later, the twins and Ron visited him. They all wanted to know what had happened. Zee told him that she had gone to check out the troll before it was moved. As a Muggle-Born, she hadn't ever seen one before. Zim had joined her, and they heard a loud crash. They saw Harry being carried away by Dumbledore, and he had told them to go back to bed.

Harry explained it the best he could, but they looked skeptical when he told them about the aliens.

"You hit your head really hard Harrypotter." Zee said sympathetically.

Ron rolled his eyes. He and Harry had been trying to tell them that their names were not one word, but Zee had ignored them.

"Your brain has been corrupted, yes, and is creating incredible illusions." Zim said confidently.

"I'm telling you, I saw them!" Harry exclaimed, trying to sit up.

The twins shared a knowing look. Ron looked worried that the fall might have corrupted his brain.

_I know I saw it..._ Harry told himself as he fell asleep. _I know it.._.

Zim's POV

_That rotten worm! The Headmaster now has MiRR captured because of the filth. I hope he's ok... MiMi is scary when she's mad._

_In the Headmaster's office..._.

Dumbledore placed the little body on his desk. It was quite extraordinary, far beyond Muggle technology. He took out a quill and began to note it's appearance. Fawkes looked disgruntled at the sight of the body. It was quite like a human child, only smaller

It sat up so suddenly that Dumbledore spilled ink over his robe. It blinked at him curiously as he Vanished the ink.

"Hi!" It grinned waving to the Professor.

"Hello there little one." Dumbledore said kindly. "I am Professor Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts.

The thing giggled. "Dumby-Dory."

"Yes. No, could you tell who you are?"

The things eyes switched to red and he jumped up on the desk.

"I am MiRR, son of GIR and brother of GiGi!" He growled.

Dumbledore was now alert, and grabbed his wand in his pocket. The thing, MiRR, then giggled and his eyes turned back to blue. He ran off the desk and jumped down underneath Fawkes.

"You a birdie!" He cried, jumping up to the Phoenix. "BIRDIE BIRDIE BIRDIE!" He screeched, shaking his perch, making Fawkes squawk loudly.

"Stop!" Dumbledore cried, lunging for the child. MiRR giggled and ran away, squealing like a piglet.

"_IMPEDIMENTA_!" Dumbledore cried, freezing the thing in it's tracks. He rubbed his temples gently. "This will be a long night."


	4. Chapter 4

"GET BACK HERE! _ACCIO_!" Dumbledore cried, making the metal child fly back to him.

"Must... get back… to Mistress!" He squealed.

"WHO IS YOUR MISTRESS?" Dumbledore cried.

"CUPCAKE!" He shrieked, then collapsed into a fit of giggles.

Dumbledore had been trying to get a straight answer out of MiRR for over an hour, but the metal child was either very good at keeping his "mistress's" secrets, or he was very dumb.

MiRR then froze, his eyes blank. His antennae stood very straight, as if receiving some invisible transmission. This seemed to be the case, as he wiggled out of Dumbledore's grasp and shot out of the window, propelled by jets on his feet. The Professor scrambled to the window, and saw the strange creature zoom to the grounds, landing in front of a cloaked person. MiRR saluted to the figure, and followed it into the Forest.

Zee's POV

Zee marched swiftly into the Forest, MiRR following quickly. She peeked behind her and saw the Headmaster's head disappear into his office. Knowing she didn't have much time, she beckoned to MiRR. He jumped into her arms, and she took out her wand.

Murmuring quickly, she and MiRR transformed into porcupines, MiRR with silvery-grey spikes and Zee with a dark green.

Soon enough, teachers flooded into the Forest.

"Clear out. I know I saw it enter here." Dumbledore said and the teachers marched through the Forest. Professor Sprout, the Head of Hufflepuff, walked close to Zee and MiRR. Deciding to disguise in plain sight, Zee shuffled up to the teacher, sniffing her robes. She looked down and smiled at the porcupine.

"Hello little one." She smiled.

MiRR crawled after Zee and shuffled closer to her. They looked like a mother and baby out for a stroll. Sprout continued through the Forest, and Zee and MiRR ran back to the castle as quickly as possible. Once they were inside, Zee waved her wand with her small paws and turned them back.

"WOO! DO THAT AGAIN!" MiRR cried.

Zed scooped him up and rushed back to the Common Room. Before she rounded the corner, she pulled out GIR's old doggy costume and shoved it over the small SIR.

"Password?" The Fat Lady asked.

"Whirlwind." Zee gasped. She bolted through the door and froze. Harrypotter was out of the hospital wing, and was sitting in front of the fire. He stared at her, then at MiRR.

"What is that?" He asked.

"Uh... this is MiRR." Zee said nervously. "My magical talking dog."

"HI GEORGE!" MiRR said, waving to Harry.

"I know that voice..." Harry said. "It was there when I hit my head."

"Potter, you really hit your head-"

"I am not imagining things!" Harry cried, jumping up from his chair. "I can see his zipper!"

Zee panicked, dropping MiRR.

"MiRR!" A voice called, and GiGi, without a disguise, bounded down the stairs and glomped her brother.

"I know you!" Harry said, pointing to GiGi. "You were there!"

He turned to Zee, his eyes wide. "What's going on?"

Zee pulled out her wand and pointed it to Harry. "Zim knew you were trouble. I didn't listen. Fitting in, that's all I care about. Now I see you are as trouble-some as the Dib." She moved closer to him, keeping her arm up, the wand pointing at him. Harry staggered backward. This wasn't Zee. It couldn't be. Zee was nice, caring, and didn't have strange robots for friends.

"We will dispose of you like we will Dib. Once we show the Tallest magic we will be un-banished. We will finally get to visit Zin, Nikki and Keegz again." Zee's eyes were now wild, and she was grinning horribly. "We will have a family, a real one. I will finally become Tallest."

She raised her wand to his head. "But all that stands in my way is you. You HORRIBLE, stinking HYUMAN! OBLIVI-"

Zee was knocked to the side, and she sprawled, unconscious, on the ground.

"Bloody hell mate." Ron panted, holding a large book in his hands.

Behind him, GiGi and MiRR poked Zee, giggling wildly.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry and Ron stared at Zee, sprawled on the floor.

"What do we do?" Harry gasped, adrenaline still coursing through his veins.  
"Tell Dumbledore?"

"She's either completely mental, or one of the aliens you saw." Ron said. "What can Dumbledore do about this?"

"I dunno..."

The boys stared at her more. Her little robots had taken off the ridiculous doggy disguise and were now skipping around the common room.

"Hey... HEY!" Ron called. They looked up and skipped over to him.

"The hyooman has red fur..." one whispered.

"Must have no soul..." The other giggled.

"Listen, can you tell us about Zee?" Ron asked.

The robot's eyes turned red. "No hyuman will know our masters secrets." One growled, his voice deep and intimidating.

"We must obey mistress." The other snarled, her voice higher, and had a slight accent.

"Great." Harry said sarcastically. "Let's go get Dumbledore. He'll know what to do."

They started to the door but the robots didn't move.

"None may pass." The one with a higher voice snapped.

Harry and Ron took out their wands, but the robots were quicker. They snatched the wands out of their hands and pointed them at Harry and Ron.

A shuffling sound was heard behind them, and Harry glanced over his shoulder. Zee had gotten up, and was pointing her wand at him.

"Sit down." She said, pointing at the armchairs near the fire with her free hand. Harry obeyed slowly, and Ron followed, keeping an eye on the robots.  
She sat down opposite them, and Harry prepared for the worst. To his astonishment, Zee put her wand down and rubbed her eyes.

"I'm sorry Harrypotter." She said, looking up at him. "It's this cursed headache of mine. I almost killed you, if it weren't for Ronweasley. You should be grateful to have such a loyal friend."

"So... You aren't going to kill us?" Ron said hopefully.

"Nope." Zee said, the corners of her lips lifting slightly. "I'm not even going to hurt you."

Harry sighed in relief.

"I trust, however, that you heard everything I said to Harrypotter?" Zed said, turning to Ron.

"Er... yeah..." Ron said sheepishly.

Zee sighed. "All right. Zim's going to hate me but... Can you two promise that you won't tell a living or otherwise soul what I am about to tell you?"

Harry hesitated, then nodded.

"Be warned, I'll know if you break this promise." She said darkly.

"Here we go." She began, rubbing her hands together.

"Zim and I are the aliens you saw, Harrypotter. Zim and myself were members of a highly evolved race of beings known as Irkens.

Myself, as heir to the Empire, and Zim as a failure to our race, were sent to Earth as Invaders. Our job was to make the planet vulnerable to the incoming Invasion. I disobeyed my leaders by taking an affection to the hyumans, and was banished. Zim was already banished, but they made it official. We were not allowed to come back to Irk, our home planet, and we were prisoners here. Zim couldn't get back to raise his daughters, and I couldn't look after my sister. When we received the letter from Hogwarts, we were convinced that if we showed magic to the Tallest, they would have to accept us back, and I could fulfill my duty as Tallest."

"Your leaders are just... Taller than everyone else?" Ron said incredulously.

"Funny." Zee smiled softly. "I know a hyuman who said exactly that.

Now, because the Earth is full of innocent, if idiotic beings, I do not wish to destroy it. Zim thinks otherwise, but I will convince him in the end. All I need to do here at Hogwarts is to graduate and become a full witch, to prove myself to the Tallest, and then I'll be out of your way for all eternity." Zee finished. "Can you help me in this? I still don't know what it means to be hyuman."

"Well, killing someone is a definite way to get expelled." Harry said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry about that." Zee said, and it looked like she meant it. "I haven't eaten or drank anything in months."

"Why?" Said Ron, looking shocked.

"I can't eat the food here." Zee said sadly. "It'll kill me."

Ron looked horrified, his mouth gaping.

"Do you two promise not to reveal me and Zim's secret?" Zee said, holding out her three fingered hand.

"Why should we? You nearly killed us!" Harry said indignantly.

"Because I am at your mercy." Zee said desperately. "You can at any time go to Dumbledore and tell him what I am, and then I'll be arrested by the Earth authorities. I swear on my spooch that Zim or I will never hurt an Earthling. Just don't turn me in. Please, I'm begging you." She flung herself off her fair and kneeled on the ground.

Harry shared a glance with Ron, and shook her hand.

Zee grinned and hugged him, then skipped back to the dormitories.

"GiGi! MiRR! Come!" She said, and the little robots ran after her.

"What just happened?" Ron asked.

"We just made a deal with a space alien." Harry said flatly.

/

Zee seemed happier the next time they saw her, and even hugged Harry again. She seemed to be trying extra hard to be human.

"Listen, she gave us her word she wouldn't hurt us, she just wants to get back home." Harry said irritably to Ron after Double Potions, where Zee had sat next to them to help them with their assignment, loosing ten points from Gryffindor when she was caught by Snape.

"I still say it's fishy. And she said Zim actually DOES want to hurt us." Ron argued stubbornly.

"Not while Zee's around. Remember the train? She can control him. He's like one of her robots." Harry said as they passed a suit of armor. Once they passed, Zim popped out of it's mouth.

"I am NOT her robot." Zim snarled as he climbed down. "What does a hyuman know anyway? The Almighty Zim obeys no one." He stormed down the hall, oblivious to Professor Quirrell sobbing to his turban.

/

A few hours later, outside the castle, two cloaked figures were taking a walk.

"... So now they know." Zee explained, her hands stuffed in the pockets of her robe.

"Why would you expose our secret!" Zim snapped at her.

"Oh please, like you didn't with Dib." Zee rolled her eyes.

"I never told the hyooman our plan!" Zim cried, rounding on her.

"They're just little boys. And they promised not to tell a living soul." Zee said angrily.

"You're becoming soft..." Zim muttered.

"Maybe I am!" Zee cried. "At least I'm not bent on destroying the Earth!"

"Zim liked it better when we WERE trying to destroy it, not befriending the enemy!" Zim snarled.

"How dare you! You know as well as I do that this is the only way to get home!" Zee gasped, her holographic eyes filling with tears.

"Or we could show the Tallest the Dark Arts, like I've been suggesting! They only care for destruction and snacks, not silly spells like Patronuses!" Zim shouted, coming to a complete stop and facing her.

"Patronuses are highly useful, and advanced magic!" Zee snapped, her voice rising an octave.

"Where on Irk are we going to run into a Dementor?" Zim laughed at her.

Tears spilled down Zee's cheeks, and she looked down. "I just... I thought you'd be impressed!"

"What will impress Zim, is if you'd stick with the plan!" Zim sneered at her. "Learn magic, teach magic to the Tallest, go home! WE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS WITH HYUMANS!"

"FINE!" Zee screamed, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "I thought it would help us blend in, like your disguise was helping!"

"YOU INSULT MY DISGUISE, YOU INSULT ZIM!" He roared. "GETOUTOFMYFACE!"

Zee rushed back to the castle, sobbing.

"YOU WANT TO BLEND IN MORE? FINE! MUDBLOOD!" Zim called after her, chuckling when he heard her cry harder. He felt a tightness in his spooch and sighed. "She can't go soft... not even for me..." He muttered. He turned to the Forest, shouting, "I AM ZIM!"


	6. Chapter 6

Hogwarts 6

A little while later...

Harry woke up on Christmas morning and saw, for the first time presents at the end of his bed. He grinned and threw a pillow at Ron to wake him.

He opened his presents to find a wooden flute from Hagrid, a fifty-pence piece from the Dursleys, and a knitted jumper and fudge that Ron said was from his mother. Wrapped in silver paper was a note from Zee.

_-Harrypotter_

_Meet me in the grounds at noon. Don't bring Ronweasley or the horrid Granger girl you spend time with._

_-Zee_

Harry shrugged and pocketed the note. He opened the next present to find an Invisibility Cloak, or whatever Ron called it. Harry's heart soared when he read that it belonged to his father.

After a glorious Christmas lunch, he marched outside, hands in his pockets. It wasn't snowing, but there was a thick layer of powder on the ground. He saw Zee at west side of the castle. He stopped, shocked. Her eyes were puffy red, and she looked downright miserable. She looked up and saw Harry, and she grinned, her sadness seeming to melt away.

"I heard that Christmas was a big celebration for humans." She said, walking up to him.

"Erm, yeah." Harry said.

"So, I've decided to give you a gift." She said, and she took a step to the side. Her little robots grinned up at him, their eyes bright.

"Merry Christmas!" They cried, throwing a wreath around his neck.

Harry laughed as they danced a ridiculous dance, which included singing and jumping on Harry's head. They were so small it didn't hurt, it just tickled. They finished and bowed.

"Harrypotter, what would you like?" Zee asked.

"What?" He asked, still laughing from the dance.

"Your gift. It is traditional, no?" She asked.

"Erm..." Harry said. He hadn't even thought of a gift for himself, as he lived with the Dursleys.

"I know." Zee said, snapping her fingers. "You want to know about NicholasFlamel!"

"How did you know that?" Harry asked.

"You haven't been very discreet Harrypotter." Zee said, grinning slightly. "I shall discover all I can about this human, and this will count as a gift, no?"

"Yeah, it would!" Harry cried, excited by this news. If anyone could find out about Flamel, it would be Hermione. But, as Zee was scoring 130% on almost all her subjects, she would find out faster. "Thank you!"

"Don't mention it human." She smiled. "We'll just call it even."

"For what?" Harry asked, confused.

"You could've told Dumbledore about Zim and I at any given moment." She said softly. "But you didn't. And I am very grateful." She bowed slightly to him. "So this will make us even, yes?"

"Sure!" Harry said,

"Then it is done." She grinned. She turned to walk away.

"Wait!" Harry called, running after her. She turned to look at him.

"Are you getting a gift for Ron too?"

"Oh yes. But I thought gifts were a private thing." She pulled out a small silver package from her pocket. "I'm sure he'll love it."

"And Hermione?" Harry asked.

"Oh no, I hate that bitch." Zee said, pocketing the present.

/

Harry had just found Flamel. He was mentioned on the back of a Chocolate Frog card. He excitedly showed Ron and Hermione.

Hermione became excited, and bolted to get a book. She came back and read, "Nicolas Flamel is the only known maker of the Philosopher's Stone!"

It didn't have quite the reaction she intended.

"Oh honestly, don't you two ever read?" She said, exasperated.

"Not if their lives depended on it." Zee said, walking over to them, grinning. "Hullo Granger." She said coldly.

"Hello Zee." Hermione said, just as cool. "Do you mind?" She motioned to the book.

"Not at all." She replied, plunking herself down next to Ron. Hermione rolled her eyes.  
Ron grinned at Harry, and he allowed himself a small smile. It was always funny to see Hermione get mad at Zee, because she was the only one smarter than her in class, and Hermione hated being the second smartest.

"_The ancient study alchemy is concerned with making the Philosopher's Stone, a legendary substance with astonishing powers._" Hermione read, ignoring Zee, who was mimicking her, hunched over the table with a concentrated expression on her face. She poked her tongue out if her mouth, as if she was focusing hard on something.

"_The Stone will transform any metal to pure gold. It also produces the Elixir of Life, which will make the drinker immortal. There have been many reports of the Philosopher's Stone over the centuries, but the only Stone currently in existence belongs to Mr Nicolas Flamel, the noted alchemist and opera-lover. Mr Flamel, who celebrated his six hundred and sixty-fifth birthday last year, enjoys a quiet life in Devon with his wife, Perenelle (six hundred and fifty-eight)_." Hermione finished. Zee stopped mimicking her and stood upright in her seat.

"How in the name of Miyuki did you find this?" Zee hissed, standing up from the table. "I've been searching for Flamel for a week already!"

"Oh boy, a week? You must be exhausted." Hermione snapped. Zee made a movement for her wand, then stomped away.

"Hermione!" said Harry, annoyed. "She was helping us!"

Hermione ignored him.

_Zee's POV_

_I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I HATE HER!_ Zee thought furiously as she stomped her way to the dormitories. "OUT!" She bellowed at her roommates, and Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown fled from the room, terrified. _How DARE the filthy she-beast make a fool of me_. Zee threw herself onto her bed. She popped off her PAK and let GiGi and MiRR loose. They giggled and flew overhead, then stopped when they saw their mistress's face.

"What's Wong?" GiGi asked, placing a tiny hand on Zee's knee. Zee sighed as she clicked her PAK back on.

"Nothing you can fix."

"Like a broken watermelon." MiRR said thoughtfully.

"Er... yes. Exactly." Zee rolled her eyes.

GiGi and MiRR shared a look.

"_Weeeee-eellll_," GiGi began. "_We're going to sing our Happy Song, our Happy Song is good._" GiGi sang.

"_We know you are not feeling well, so song a song we should!_" MiRR sang, wrapping his arm around his sister's shoulder.

"_Sooooooooooooooooooo, Happy Happy Happy Song, we learned it from our Dad!_" They sang together, grabbing Zee's face.

"_Happy Happy Happy Song, we hope you are not mad!_" They sang, dancing on her bed.

"_We want to make you happy, it's what we live to do!_" MiRR sang.

"_We'll make a cake!_" GiGi sang, holding up a pink frosted cake

"_We'll catch a snake!_" MiRR sang, holding up a rattlesnake.

"_We'll bake a pie!_" GiGi sang, now holding a cream pie.

"_We'd rather die!_" MiRR sang, placing his hand to his forehead and falling backwards dramatically.

"_Than see you, our mistress, our damsel in distress,_" They both sang, hands over their chests and looking at Zee fondly.

"_Unhappyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy_!" They sang, holding the note for a long time. "Sooooooooooooooooooo," they sang.

_"Happy Happy Happy Song, we hope this made you glad! _  
_Happy Happy Happy Song, so you don't feel so baaaaaaaaaaaaad_!" They finished, ending in a pose. Laughing, Zee applauded them and they bowed. Zee heard a click at the door and shoved the twins back in her PAK. Hermione walked in, looking confused.

"Who were you talking too?"

"Oh you didn't know? Your precious books didn't teach you that?" Zed snapped. Hermione looked furious, and she slammed the door. Sighing, Zee flopped back on the bed.

"I need another round of the Happy Song..." She groaned.


End file.
